I think I have a good one...
"I can't come in tomorrow because we have no one to watch our daughter. My wife's grandparents (who usually take care of our daughter) are going out of town tonight, and my wife can't take the day off because one of her colleagues took the day off to go to JobbieNooner."
I'll either be sending that email before I leave tonight or later this evening.

I can see it now, relaxin in the pool with a mixed drink and getting a tan. FUCKIN RIGHT, DOGGIE!!